Prashant Patil's Livejournal's Journal

2:17pm: Well, the OWLs went awfully. It was my first time devising an actual test, and I suppose I did so poorly, or perhaps I just taught my students poorly. In any case, the sheer number of Ps I had to give out is making Professor Dumbledore reconsider letting me teach next year.

I can't say I'm disappointed.

I bought a small flat in London - Dumbledore asked me to stay at Hogwarts over the summer, but I don't see any point in it. He sounded worried.

Strange, really.

12:43am: I think that if my uncle Ashok had told me that mastering elemental magic would give me this power, I would have stayed in India. Others can read minds, and so can I, a little bit. But I can also read hearts.

So much pain. Everyone in this castle has so much pain. Sometimes I wonder how they can still be up and about, talking and studying, with such agony beating in their chests.

I walk down the halls and at each turn I see a student who's life has been touched by hell. Some worry for friends or relatives. Some mourn for them. Some mourn for themselves, for the mark on their arms. I once wondered why Albus doesn't stop them, the young Death Eaters - he knows who they are, for he knows their minds and hearts. But unless they stop themselves - then their loss, too, is the death of an innocent.

Last night my dreams took me to Minerva. During the day she is as strong a stoic as could be, but last night I watched her sob into her pillow, whispering her daughter's name.

I do not know how much longer I can bear this in silence.

11:20pm: I've tried my best to disappear this past month, but it's not working. Footsteps sound when I stand still. Pairs of eyes gaze from the shadows. The man who's name few will pronounce - he's following me.

I pray he never catches up.

9:42am: I have never approved of paranoia, but yesterday I went to visit Deirdre at the Three Broomsticks. A quick look told me she was much too busy to see me, so I headed back to Hogwarts.

I am certain that I was being watched.

8:51am: I've met a girl. She's beautiful, and sweet, and she works harder than anyone I've seen while still having fun.

[private]Then why do I still find myself gazing at Lucius Malfoy when I think he's not looking? Deirdre calms me, and he - I'm not sure what he does to me, but it certainly isn't calming.[/private]

I met another girl. She would do well to watch out leave me alone.

[private]Who is Rita Skeeter, and why is she bothering me? Did Dumbledore set her after me? If he did, I shall have to have a talk with him...[/private]

8:22am: I've met a lovely woman named Deirdre. I think I shall go to watch her play Quidditch next Tuesday - it is bound to be more interesting, for several reasons, than that quodpot match I saw in New York.

I've been focusing more on my actual classes, but that means that my special students have been left on their own. Severus, Brenna, Gilderoy, Axian, Bellatrix - please drop by my office whenever is convenient for you. And Lily, of course. Come whenever you feel the need.

8:09am: Am I such a terrible teacher?

11:22am: I have sent out the owls for advanced Elemental Magic. I was surprised that so many of the students had master-level strengths - six - and quite pleased to discover a student with balance. In the school in India, which was three or four times the size of Hogwarts, I did not find a single one. levans is lucky that both I and Headmaster Dumbledore can guide her in this. Even if I am forced to run leave she can complete her training. I do wonder which path she will choose. I suppose a part of me hopes she will become a teacher as I did, but her eagerness to face the hardest of challenges makes me believe she will want to master the ancient magics.

The other day I went to observe the mediwitch here, and I saw a beautiful young woman lying in some pain on one of the beds. She seemed too old to be a student, and too young to be a teacher - I wonder who she was.

8:05pm: Such lively minds my students have. Proserpina Reinard came in before class today, and like Florence, she was curious about the subject. We even debated a bit of philosophy...

It also seems that the surprise party won't be ready for another week. I realize as I write this, that I was looking forward to it. I have been rather lonely here - both older professors and students refuse to look upon me as an equal, though for opposite reasons.

I also saw young Brenna Moran crying in the Hogwarts gardens a student most upset. It is such a pity that life cannot be carefree, even in the easiest times of life.

7:33am: It seems I am part of a conspiracy. I am to distract Lucius Malfoy while some of his students throw him a surprise party. I will have to be very wily, no?

Lucius is to be married. How disappointing lovely.

I was told all this by one of my seventh-year students, Florence. She seems quite lively. After she convinced me to take part in her plans, she asked several piercing questions about Elemental Magic. She was most intelligent, most interesting. If rather... forward.

Hmm. I must think of a way to distract Lucius. Perhaps I will ask him to take a walk with me around the lake. We are both professors, so it is entirely natural, entirely natural, that I ask him to do so.

2:51pm: My first week is finished. I think I was able to explain the idea of Elemental Magic well to all of my students, although the older ones were not pleased to realize that they're learning the exact same thing as the "ickle firsties".

My easiest classes have been the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws - both speaks_no_evil and quirkyquirrell have shown great interest in the subject, and the Hufflepuffs are always courteous, and often eager. That pleases me, and I think them, too - although I saw a few sour faces when I told the Ravenclaws no books or notes would be needed.

My hardest class has been the Gryffindor-Slytherin 5th years. There is so much tension between them! Yet there is also much potential. I cannot wait to test them, and see who has an affinity for what. But school is over for the week, and though I must draw up new lessons plans for Monday, I should otherwise not dwell upon them overmuch.

Now, what does one do in this place for fun?

8:38am: I have spent these last several hours in my room, trying to get some handle on my raging emotions. But it is useless - they are like the trembling earth and the roaring wind and the bickering flame all at once.

The Headmaster pulled me aside after the feast. He had placed his memories of Uncle Ashok, when they were students together, in a Penseive for me to see. I could not stay for very long. The happiness - the liveliness of Ashok seems a mockery of him now that he is dead. And try as I might to view Dumbledore as an "uncle" as well, I cannot help but suspect that he is playing on my feelings. He wants me to join him in his fight. But it is no fight of mine.

Tired of my room, I ventured out for a bit. The teacher's lounge was full of talk. Apparently a student was unwillingly transfigured for several hours, and another was found unconcious on the train. There is only one other Professor young as me - a man named Malfoy, handsome and arrogant. I suspect that if I were to ask, I would find he is very rich. But it matters not to me - I only care that he is clever, which draws me to him, and that he is cruel, which repulses me.

Anyway, night is coming and the air grows heavy. It is time for me to sleep.